We don’t go to BK regularly. We’re not some scummy single-parent chav family with 5 kids (all different colours, of course) that for a family treat go to MacDonald’s or BK every Saturday. Perhaps I would if it wasn’t for those chavs, of course… but that’s for another post

We normally arrive in BK after a night on the town, normally at Charing Cross or Waterloo stations, and we always order the same thing – “2 XL Bacon Double Cheeseburgers”. That’s it. No drink, no fries, no fucking super-size me.

So despite the “Burger King Bill of Rights” that gives its customers the right to “Have it Your Way”, and despite the fact that I clearly state what I fucking want, the ignorant hypocritical fuck-pig at the counter always tries to sell me something I neither want nor have asked for.

Why? Just Fucking Why? Just once, it would be nice if they just played out their nice little servant role and gave me what I fucking asked for with no extra questions or hassle. How hard can it fucking be to do less fucking speaking?

Of course, the shockingly crap descriptions in the menu don’t always help when the employee has the IQ of an earthworm. For example, today I went into KFC in Woolwich. There were 2 “Classic Variety” meals listed:

1) 2 pieces of chicken, 2 hot wings, 1 crispy strip: £4.19

2) 3 pieces of chicken, 2 hot wings, 1 crispy strip: £4.99

Now – I may not have got an ‘A’ for GCSE maths, but I know that for the first option, 2 + 2 + 1 = 5. So when I asked for the “5 piece variety meal”, the guy just looked at me blankly. I repeated myself. Nothing. He asked which one. I clarified:

“The top one. The first one listed. The one with 5 pieces of chicken in it”.

Nothing.

Jesus fucking christ. Is it so hard to understand?

His boss saw the struggle, came over, and rang up 2x of the 6 piece meals. For fucks sake. These guys are thicker than pig shit. Why do KFC employ them? Probably for the minimum wage.

Perhaps they should number the menu items so fucked up brainless twat cunts like these employees can’t fuck it up, and the customers don’t have the hassle of having to repeat themselves. Then again, they probably can’t count past 5 anyway (fingers on one hand), and so this system would probably fail abysmally.

The ironic thing is that while in Hong Kong last year, in a McDonald’s restaurant where the staff spoke no English, I was able to order a meal for 2 with several side dishes. My order was understood immediately, and with no repetition. They had a great system where you simply pointed at items on a laminated sheet which had options for everything under the sun, including the “super sizing” options.

If people who speak no English can get things right first time, why can’t the brainless fuckwits in KFC in Woolwich who allegedly speak and understand the fucking English language?